I’m Not Dead Yet!

So you see, if you’ll just get me out of this sticky situation I happen to have found myself in, I’ll happily make it worth your while….

And so starts the escort quest.  Invariably the NPC is surrounded by a bevy of monsters just waiting for him to emerge from whatever crevasse he’s managed to squeeze himself into and munch happily on whatever body part happens to swing in their general direction.  No problem!  I’m an adventurer, saving people (unless you’re Valask and prefer burning down orphanages) is part of the job description.  And there’s a shiny piece of loot at the end too — I mean, how can you pass that up?

But then something strange happens — your VIP decides, since he has you along, that he should attack every monster within the generally vicinity and then die horribly while you’re trying to find where the hell he ran off to… OR… he moseys.  Smelling the wildflowers of Azeroth becomes important, because who has time when they’ve got a 200 lb. gorilla pounding after them?  Might as well do it while there’s some muscle to back him up, right?

In a word, escort quests suck.

Until you get to Icecrown.  You run across a poor priest, Father Kamaros, trapped on all sides by ravenous undead.

The Light smiles upon me. I have not yet died in this living nightmare, but the Scourge will kill me and tear my body apart for use in their ‘work’ here if I cannot escape.

I cannot make it on my own, my child, but with your help, I may yet live to fight the Scourge again.

Will you help me make my escape before the Scourge’s butchers come to finish me off?

*Eyeroll* Here we go again, right?  And he’s squishy.  I hate when they’re squishy.  But what can you do?  Accept the quest and bear it.  So begins the slow shuffling walk of the father.  And then he casts PW: Fortitude?  Whaaa?  Holy cow — I just got 104 stamina.  Obviously, he expects bad things.

So, first mob, I spot on my radar before the priest can aggro him — off I go to save the day!  I’m beating him pretty good, the good father is still taking his time and hasn’t seen us yet.  And then I spot it… titanium node.  (I’m 78 at the time).  I really, really must have that node — I can make myself a new weapon, a shield, I can be a GOD if I just get that titanium node.

I turn back and look at the priest moseying along, picking his way daintily over stones.  “Too bad,” I think, mount up and go to get epic stone.  I get to the mining node and start digging in (prior to the one-shot mining too btw).  I glance over to check on my VIP.  Oh noes, he’s in combat.  I feel a slight guilt over letting my protected person become a meat shield, but hey, it was him or the node, and I can just go pick him up again.  I mean, am I good at rationalizing throwing a poor squishy priest — that I promised to protect — to the undead for their macabre machinations or what?

Woot, a 3-dig titanium node.  I glance back to the priest.  Wait, he’s still alive.  And he’s surrounded by a faint glow — could it be???  He cast PW: Shield.  An NPC, with a useful spell?  No way!  Wait, he’s killed them all — he’s walking away, and I still have a hit left!  Well, I figured I’d already let him take care of those nasty undead, I may as well finish mining the node.  4 hits on a node isn’t something you see every day.

I finish up my node, and start jogging back to take care of Father Karamos when it happens again.  A happy glowing node of goodness has just appeared on my minimap.  AND it’s another titanium node — lady RNG has smiled on me.  Again, I rationalize away the father’s soon to be imminent death and start mining.  Again, he handily defeats all comers and keeps on trucking.  By the time I catch up to him, he has delivered himself from evil and is ready to reward me for my valiant protection of his person.

Ummmm….

Thank you Father!  *run*

So if you’ve flown over Icecrown thinking “I really should do those quests one day,” just remember to look up Father Karamos.  Become the pampered escort of a competent NPC — it’s a refreshing change.

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3 thoughts on “I’m Not Dead Yet!

  1. Great post :) Have you done the Indiana Jones one in Grizzly Hills? (Where it says at the end 'Harrison Jones has escorted you to safety.')

    • Yes indeed. I could have strangled him :P Apparently, being a Jones does not give you the right kind of armor for taking on 3 (three!) mobs at one time. *grumble*

  2. Hehehe. I'm glad Lady RNG is acquiring more worshippers – she's a fickle goddness but she does reward (occasionally ;) )

    The worst escort quest is the one near Ratchett – I can't remember the details but when you're a low-level noob and you have to escort this suicidally squishy NPC to safety the entire length of a pirate-bristling coast, it's a recipe for PAIN.

    I think the highlight of it that the NPC has an aggro-radius about 80 gazillion miles, and as he runs, unarmoured and wielding no weapons, towards a massive stack of mobs he shouts something like: "Help, they're attacking me!"

    I wanted to shake him.

    No, you nitwit, you attacked *them*.

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