Team. You don’t mind if I call you team, do you? We should have shirts or something with Team Alt on them or something. Anyway, I digress.
Team, I have a conundrum, a horrible, festering badness that is attempting to ruin my happy fun times. Usually, when I’m annoyed, I go rage in my little private forums, talk to a cohort, or pester my husband with whatever is bothering me. I’ve tried all these methods, and nothing. I can’t seem to get the bad out of my system.
Basically, to protect the innocent and make me not feel like the horrible person with the blog, I’m not going to get into details about what’s bothering me. It’s really not that important in the grand scheme of things. Suffice it to say, that there’s an issue I’m not happy with. I’ve done all the things I normally do when I’m not happy: I’ve made a regular nuisance of myself. I’ve talked to everyone, and it’s still not making me feel better.
Thing is, I have a sneaking suspicion that the issue is a long-term one. It’s not something you want to fix mid-stride, not when you’ve already got little perculations rumbling through your roster, and a general pall of change hanging over everything. However, the very fact that the issue is not resolvable, either yay or nay, I think is the very reason I’m so very uptight and pissy about it. I can deal with a fair amount of unpleasantness: be it policies, people, or strategies, if I know that’s the way it’s going to be. Knowing that it is immutable and in stone let’s me know: deal with it, or get out of the raid.
Usually I try to deal. When my own toxic level reaches critical mass, I leave. Even better, is knowing that something different will be happening soon™. I don’t even need a date: just knowing that change and action is in the planning stages drops my frustration levels down a few notches, because I know that the problem is being handled. However, I suspect that the issue I’m having is a big one. It affects a lot of people, and so making a hasty decision would be a bad idea.
Now, this issue has been with me as long as I’ve been with the guild. It’s only in recent weeks that I’ve noticed a problem. My first inclination was: stop being an idiot, and get over it. But have you ever had one of those problems that seems to explode out of control until it squeezes not only other problems, but all the fun stuff out of whatever activity you’re doing? Like, you’re looking in the mirror, and you have this little imperfection, but every time you look in the mirror it just seems bigger and bigger even though nothing has really changed.
That’s me right now. And I need help. I know it’s not ok to let some issue take control of my fun time. It’s just silly is what it is. But I realized that whether or not the issue will be resolved, aye or nay, is really bothering me. I blame it on all that guild leadership experience. For most of my time in WoW, I was one of the people in charge of making sure things got handled. Now that I’m not, it’s easier to get my panties in a tangle because I don’t know what might happen… or not.
So I leave my troubles at your proverbial door Team Alt, and a few questions as well:
Have you found yourself frustrated because you’re not in guild leadership anymore, even if you never, ever, ever want to be any kind of guild leader again? How do you reconcile yourself to shit you can’t control (my little prayer isn’t working!) Any tips for a control freak who lacks control?